When Nostalgia Sets In

            Reflecting on the past is normal; getting nostalgic over the past is also normal. I don't know how good it is to seriously dwell on the past for extended periods of time, but I do think reflection and nostalgia help our brains process what has happened and is happening. I never really realized how nostalgic I get until recently and thank goodness I'm not the only one! I'm still pretty young so I haven't experienced a ton, but I have lived long enough to build up a solid foundations of good memories. When I hear a phrase, a voice, a song that I remember or smell a familiar scent, etc.-- it takes me back to that time. And that is when nostalgia begins to set it.

            How is my first year of college over already? It feels like it just started a few months ago. Albeit, it was definitely not the year I had envisioned when this all started, but in some ways it was so much more. I got to hold on to a few of my closest friends and met some really awesome people. Which sounds so cliché, but it’s true! Words cannot possibly describe how much I've grown to love these people and what kind of influence they've had on me. Now that we've all (mostly) parted ways for the summer, I've started to remember how many good life choices I've experienced with everyone. I'll hear a lil bit of the Lord of the Rings music and I'll be there: watching the Return of the King, eating ice cream, wading in the water, and doing gymnastics in the grass. Or I'll ride with my sunroof down and smell the fresh night air... and I'll be back driving a car full of people back to Calvin after a spontaneous trip to get bubble tea. And then I'll start to miss that and those people.

            Going to my high school's orchestra concert also sparked some of this nostalgia inside of me. For the most part, my orchestra experience in elementary through high school was great. Granted, there were times I kind of wanted to throw my cello at a wall and give up on orchestra, but I'm glad (now more than ever!) that I didn't. Being back in the 5-12 concert venue made me realize just how blessed I was. Memories from middle school orchestra music filing "parties" and skipping AP Calc (with permission of course) senior year for full orchestra rehearsal came flooding back. I got real nostalgic. College orchestra is probably the best thing that happened to me at Calvin, but there's something about high school orchestra that I miss dearly. Knowing everyone's name and being so close knit with the whole orchestra is something that can't really be achieved in a college setting. More than the atmosphere I began to really miss the people I got to make music with-- and all the fun experiences we had together, like festival and after-festival-out-to-eat experiences.

            I hope that I have many great, fun-filled, good-life-choice-filled years ahead of me in college and beyond. But sometimes it's fun to look on the past and remember. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and the people around me. It's literally so exciting to get to fellowship with beautiful people and see how they are really going to be make a wonderful impact on the world. Maybe nostalgia isn't such a bad thing after all. Maybe it lets us pick things from our past and use them to influence our future. Maybe it's best to remember the past and look forward to the future at the same time.

Remember

Since I have a Calc exam in just under two hours, this will be quick... Finals week is stressful! I've found myself studying for hours and still feeling like I remember nothing from the whole semester. I think it is good to stop every once in a while and remember:

You are NOT your GPA. Sure, it is important to some extent but it does not define who you are. Do your best, put forth effort, take care of yourself, and care for others. Let what happens happen. 

Look for the positive. Maybe through the struggles, academic or otherwise, you'll learn something about yourself, who God is forming you into, and His plan for your life.

Learn from your failures. Use them to improve both your strengths and your weaknesses. Don't get discouraged because something doesn't go as well as you were hoping. Pick yourself back up and try again.

Be still. Be still and know that He is God. (And that we are not). Papers, projects, speeches, juries, tests, exams do not determine your identity. He uses all of them to work in and through you in some way. He has a plan-- a plan to give you hope and a future.

Let Him have the reins and do your best to follow His voice. Everything will be alright in the end.

A Nerd's Escape

            18 years old and finishing up my first year of college. It's a weird feeling; sometimes I feel really like "18! Holy cow, I'm an adult!" and sometimes it's more like people telling me, "18!? You're such a little baby adult." Either way, the end of the semester is super hectic. I'm convinced there's not enough hours in a day to do everything, even if I cut out eating and sleeping. And I know that anyone who went to college or just knows anything about college knows this, but it's definitely something you really learn from experience.

"I have how many papers to write? Wait and you want me to do visual presentations on top of them? Plus, I should probably practice for that concert on Sunday (because I haven't all semester)?  Oh, and regular assignments too? Then you want me to spit out everything I've learned all semester onto a final exam for three hours? Who's smart-aleck idea was this? But wait, there's more! I only get a week and a half to do all of this? AND I get to work a part-time job? No, that's not overwhelming at all."

            I really want to escape from all the schoolwork and pressure; just go and eat some good food, watch a movie, and maybe stargaze a little bit with my friends. Not much sounds better than that. I can come up with a few comparable (albeit impossible) alternatives. I had an epiphany and figured out why fiction, sci-fi, and fantasy stories are so popular. They are an escape from the real, the literal, the possible, to the imaginary, the unreal, the impossible.

            Who wouldn't want to go exploring all of time and space with a mysterious man with two hearts who has lived over 900 years? In a police box that's actually a time machine, nonetheless. Sounds like the perfect escape to me. I may be just beginning my journey down the Doctor Who road, but I can see why it is so popular (and has been on television for 50 years! That's a long time.). There is so much history and humor and emotion associated with the Doctor. I had seen a couple dozen episodes of Doctor Who at the time when I fell in love with the show. At the end of an episode entitled "The Rings of Akhaten" the Doctor gives this speech that reveals just how old his soul is. The whole thing is pretty long, but I do want to give you a little snippit:

"I have lived a long life, and I have seen a few things. I walked away from the last great time war, I marked the passing of the Time Lords, I saw the birth of the universe and I watched as time ran out. Moment by moment until nothing remained—no time, no space, just me! I walked in universes where the laws of physics were devised by the mind of a mad man and I have watched universes freeze and creations burn. I have seen things you wouldn’t believe; I have lost things you will never understand." 

            He might have a bit of a god-complex going on, but when you boil everything down, he knows he's not God. The Doctor has such an old soul, and I think that-- in combination with his quirks and humor-- is what's really attractive about the show and the character. Just in this scene you can feel the weight of his loss and his pain poured out in every word. He began to share just a piece of what he's experienced with Clara, his new companion, and being a new watcher of the show myself, it felt like I was kind of in Clara's shoes.

            Who could pass up an experience like this if given the chance? I don't think I could. It might be risky, but it would be exciting and... there's just something about sharing a part of someone's life that is mysterious and amazing. Not like in the marriage context, although that's good too, but just being a friend to someone. To be able to be part of someone's life. Being able to make them smile and share in their excitement and joys and sorrows. We all need companionship, and if it happens to be with a Time Lord with a British accent, then so be it. Find a friend.  Find an escape.

PS- That was a lot of me ranting, sorry! Also slightly sorry about the total nerd-fest over how awesome Doctor Who is... but not really. It is a splendid show! Call me a nerd, I don't really care.