"Our Revels Now Are Ended"

          I always start the semester with the best intentions to keep up on this whole blogging thing in addition to being in school full time and working at the glitter-covered craft haven that is the Alpine Michaels. And somehow that never happens. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by now; it's happened exactly like this several times before. But this time around, I find myself in a more profound sadness that the semester is ending.
          In a little under 48 hours I'll be starting my final final of this fall semester. I'm ready to be done. In a little over 48 hours some of the people I hold nearest and dearest to me will return home to their families to enjoy the holiday season.  I'm glad they will. I personally am blessed to see my family on a semi-consistent basis throughout the semester, but not everyone is able to do that. But the sense of everyone leaving for the holidays, exactly when I'd want them here most, is sobering. 

"Our revels now are ended" (The Tempest IV.i)

          Though I should clarify that my semester hasn't been filled with drinking and dancing as is typical when thinking of "reveling," I must say the lively enjoyment that also accompanies "reveling" has still has found its way into my life. It's been a very Shakespeare-filled semester. Until I dove head-first into the Shakespeare world, I didn't really realize so much joy, entertainment, and insight on the human experience could come of one author who lived four hundred years ago. And yet, I think that is what art does to us. It changes us, in very practical terms, in ways we can't describe. While my life is nothing like The Tempest at all, the idea of being "such stuff as dreams are made on" cuts me to the very core. The fact that the semester's revels now are ended... it hurts, to be brutally honest. It means that the number of concerts I have left to perform as a Calvin student can be counted on one hand. It means that the number of times I have reason to get together with friends to "study" are quickly decreasing. It means that within a matter of months a large percentage of the Calvin population will leave, maybe for good, and then a couple of months after that I'll leave too. 

"Then sigh not so, but let them go, 
And be you blithe and bonny, 
Converting all your sounds of woe 
Into hey, nonny nonny."

(Much Ado About Nothing II.iii)

          And my oldest Shakespearean love, Much Ado, reminds me that this is the way things have always been. This process of growing and changing, leaving one place and going to another, or watching the world change around you happens every day. Sigh not so over things you can't change, but be cheerful and turn all your sad songs into songs of joy. There are so many things from this semester that I'll miss. But I'm coming out of this semester different than I was going in, with memories that will put a smile on my face for years to come. So with that, 

"Goodnight, sweet [people], and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." (Hamlet V.ii)

          And by rest, I mean temporary rest, not a permanent rest like in the case of Hamlet. No matter your walk of life, I hope the holiday season brings you joy and peace. I hope the advent season renews your spirit and fills your soul with an overwhelming sense of love from those around you and mostly from our Savior, who we celebrate this time of year. And to those who will be returning to share in more adventures at Calvin, I look forward to another semester of your smiles and laughter, encouragement, Shakespeare quotes, good food, music, and caffeine.

"If music be the food of love, play on!" (Twelfth Night I.i)

I am a Warrior: A Manifesto for Senior Year

       As a little girl, I never wanted to be a warrior when I grew up. Never was real interested in the prospect of violence, to be honest. I opted more for (seemingly) peaceful things:  an explorer (though I'm not sure where that came from because nature is definitely not my thing), a lawyer,  a teacher. Looking back, I wish I would've been more interested in being a warrior. And by warrior, I mean mostly that in the metaphoric sense. In reality, I don't condone violence really, but the warrior spirit runs deep in my veins.
       My family history is a little all over the place, but I know there's Scandinavian blood in me and Celtic blood in me. Both of these cultures fascinate me, with a bit of a heavier emphasis on the Celtic currently; nonetheless these peoples were both known for being warriors-- skilled warriors. Between the Scandinavians and the Celts, they fought battles reminiscent of the story Beowulf and battles like something you'd find straight out of Lord of the Rings (minus the orcs and dwarves and such). Even if all memory of these ancestors is lost, they were warriors and they played some part in who I am today. I'd be a different person in terms of genetics, but also in terms of identity should I not be some weird mix of many deep, rich, and at times war-like cultures and heritages. My last name, "Alexander" even has the warrior spirit embedded deep in it. It was derived from the Greek name Alexandros; from what I've read, in the vernacular it meant "defender of men" but literally means "repulser of the enemy." I can't think of any name I'd rather have... not necessarily that I prize repulsing people, but the fact that literally in the name I was given, I am called to be a defender of humanity. To fight for the good of those around me.
       All of this to say, I'm realizing more and more each day that I'm a fighter. Sometimes people fall into viewing me as the sort of "delicate flower" type, but let me tell you, that could not be more wrong. I suppose I have moments of delicacy, but who doesn't? And so this is my challenge for senior year. To expel passivity from my life and fight for what I think is important. To push myself to be the best I can be-- academically, physically, spiritually, in relationships, and at work--but also to take time to realize that you have to choose your battles. I'm one who tends to push myself to the absolute limit, but no battle can be won solely on two hours of sleep and a boatload of coffee. 
       I sit here now, a product of one, where I came from, two, the last few months and the changes that have taken place in my life, and three, where I am going in the future. I'm stronger now than I ever was before. It's my last full year at Calvin with all the people I've come to love as a second family. So let's do this senior year thing. I'm ready for all the battles that are coming my way. And for the much anticipated time of peace and rest, though I never plan on losing the warrior spirit inside.

The Little Things

           Sometimes, it's the little things in life that get you. In a bad way at times, but it seems like a better way to go about life to reflect on the good things. I have a lot of little things I should be doing currently because the semester ends way sooner than I think it does, but some days I like to just sit and think about the good things in my life.
           I have so many good things in my life that I couldn't name them all if I tried. The stereotypical things that fill in the blank "I am thankful for..." are the big things. I love and appreciated the big things. The little things though are what get stuck in my head and make me smile at the end of the day; they are the things that keep me going through the difficult and uncertain times.
           For the semester, I am a student aid (like a student teacher, but less work and teaching) at Grand Rapids Christian High School. Let's just say even though I have to get up at 6 a.m. every morning to be there, it is absolutely worth it. I've grown to love a community and a student body. Every day after I drive back to Calvin, I have a 5-10 minute walk from my car to my next class, so I have time to think about all the little things I enjoyed that day. And it's not usually things like "My class behaved so well!" or "Every student got to have input for this topic!" or even "The students had fun today and learned something!" Those are all good things, but I remember the little things. When one student was so thankful for my help that he gave me an AppleJack for every question I helped him with. When I made the mistake of telling my students that my last day was in a couple of weeks and they were all so sad. When I ask if anyone has any questions and my freshmen ask how my day is going. When a few of my juniors decide to roll their desks outside and look in the window to class while we were working on some practice problems (this made me laugh far too much). Every day when my cooperating teacher proves she is the coolest. I could definitely keep going, but some of my little joys come from things other than aiding as well:

           On orchestra tour when I got to give a little 5 minute talk to some high school classes about what I love about Calvin--and after the fact when my friends told me I was really funny, or sounded really cute while talking, or that it was cool when they could see me transform from cellist Heather to teacher Heather in a high school setting. If you haven't gathered this by now, I think high schoolers are the best :) 

           Sometimes it's the odd little things-- a funny face my stand-partner makes at me while attempting to not die when sight-reading in rehearsal, or bad puns my friends insist on making (they can never resist...). Getting donuts in chem seminar and making snarky comments (snark also pleases me much more than it should). Wearing a pair of chopsticks--that were given to me by a friend who actually got them in Hong Kong!--in my hair and feeling good about how it looks. Watching an episode of Bones and feeling like I've been reunited with old friends. Actually being reunited with old friends. Hugs. The Lark Ascending. Really good salads. Remembering that my cousin named her cat Salad when she was little.  Looking at old pictures. Shostakovich Beyoncé. Many other little things amuse me and bring me joy, but there was a laundry list of ones I've thought about recently.
           Simultaneously, while I reflect on the little things, I remember Robert Frost's poem Nothing Gold Can Stay. It goes like this:

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower,

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

On the surface, it's a very Melancholy poem, however it has acted as a sort of comfort to me as well. It's really hard to grapple with the fact that this amazing time at Calvin won't last forever, nor should it. I wouldn't want to live under this much stress for the rest of time. But my heart aches every time I realize that once I graduate, I won't be part of this community to the extent that I am now. Nothing gold can stay. My friends will be spread out all around the world doing what they were placed on this earth to do. I'm thankful for the influence of social media in that regard, but a Facebook message can not replace a real face-to-face conversation or chat over a meal. Such is the human condition I suppose. This poem, my own personal memento mori, forces me to enjoy all the little things now. I guess I live in some weird kind of limbo between these two. But that's what keeps life interesting. Love the little things and appreciate them while they last.

This is How I Feel About Winter

A Walk Among The Trees

The trees along the path quake in the breeze.

I too shake, our limbs alike in the cold.

The heavens give us snow,

But it is too much!

All is buried.

When it thaws, hope will come to us again—

Until then, our brittle lungs will ache; the air hinder our bodies and sadden our souls.

(This poem is written solely with words that come from Anglo-Saxon/ Old English roots--with the exception of "until." It used to say, "up to" so every single word had an OE ancestor, but I though "until" flowed better.) 

The Drawbacks of Being Well-Rounded

This may be a bit conceited, but I like to consider myself a fairly well-rounded person. Or at least that I'm trying my absolute hardest to become one. The degree I'm pursuing seems to concur:

Get a chemistry degree, I decided--that's great! I'll know all about the smallest bits of matter, how they compose the world, and their unique properties and such.

Well, now let's add an education degree to that. Then I'll be able to teach high schoolers all about how the world works and inspire them to be great scientists. Or at least to appreciate different disciplines. 

But I need to be more hire-able as a teacher! I'll teach biology too! Nevermind, too many gross squishy things. Physics? Yawn. Geology? Yay, rocks... That rules out an integrated science degree. So what's next? I've always enjoyed writing...?

Proceed to add an English minor.

Is this enough? Never. I  need to continue to be involved in music, so I'll play in the orchestra! Elected to be on the orchestra council? Sure! I can do that too!

I love and am passionate about all of these things, but sometimes it seems like information is being thrown at me from every direction and I can't quite keep it all straight. After a full day of classes, what I can recall goes something like: "The partition coefficient, K, is essentially same thing as an equilibrium constant. It is found by--" "looking at the comedic elements of Tartuffe. I'm sure you all can think of modern correlations of these elements. Think of cartoon characters--" "which find many of their influences from the minstrel stage. When listening to popular music you must consider what kinds of influence--" "the matrix has on your analysis." 

So yes, I'm learning to be well-rounded, but at a cost.  I'm simultaneously learning to be a reader, a writer, a teacher, a scientist, an informed citizen. I'm frantically running from scribbling down equations, to figuring out how to play 'cloudy' so the second flute solo can be heard, to trying to make sense of Plato, to writing the world's worst sonnet (though not intentionally). The perks of being well-rounded are great: 

You begin to appreciate that people all have different aptitudes--which is a very good thing. There are many, many jobs I couldn't do and many professions I would rather not go into. But that just makes me appreciate the people who are passionate about those things. Moreover, through a little bit of education in said subjects that I detest, I have metaphorically "walked a mile in someone else's shoes;" I appreciate not only the parts of the jobs that they love but also the parts that they (at best) put up with.

A well-rounded education develops creativity and out-of-the-box thinking. I expected to come to college and be stretched as a person, but only in certain areas. I expected to grow in problem solving skills, how to teach a class, and how to make friends. I never expected to have to ponder alternative fuel sources, find rest and meditation through swimming, or be really deeply troubled by the problem of evil in a world ruled by a wholly good God. But being pushed to my limits has allowed me to grow personally and in ways of thought and reason. 

You have a better view of how the world on the whole works. You can observe things more easily and feel things more deeply. A good, well-rounded education gives you more to be human with.

There are quite a few more perks, but for reasons of space I won't go on listing them. However, there are some drawbacks too:

It is pretty darn hard to prioritize. If I operate under the assumption that all of these classes and things I'm learning are equally valuable but I don't have the time to give them all equal attention, how do I decide what things to spend my time with? It becomes some funny balance of what's due soonest, what's most important for the purpose of teaching someday, and what's going to bring me at least some amount of joy in studying it. 

Taking the time to be well-rounded means you've spent less time specializing in whatever you ultimately want to go into. This may be a drawback when it comes time to get hired somewhere.

Sometimes you lose focus of what's really important. And not school important, like bigger importance. Sometimes I get so caught up in trying to learn as much as I can about every subject I'm presented with that I forget about putting forth effort in maintaining relationships .

They say knowledge is power! Basically, becoming a knowledgeable, well-rounded person is hard work. Its rewards are great, but it also comes at a cost. Though in the end, I wouldn't trade all I've learned, both in academia and out, for anything in the world.

Round Three

        I have roughly 51 hours until my first class of the new semester starts. Am I ready for this? Can I handle a third year of this chaos they call college? Yes, I can and I will. But before that starts, I have about a million things to do: gather all my textbooks, change my work schedule around for the start of school, actually practice my orchestra music, and squeeze every last bit of enjoyment I can out of this summer. Plus more.
        There were many things I was planning to do this summer that I didn't get accomplished. There were many things I wasn't planning to do this summer that I ended up doing and enjoying. I'm not sure I'm ready for  it to end though. With the end of summer comes the start of school. With the start of school brings a crazy semester that simultaneously seems to never end and goes by too fast. I'm half done with college. I don't want the next two years to go as quickly as the first two have. I'm anticipating many new adventures in the months to come.
        I'm not really sure what to expect with the new semester, other than the same old staying up late doing homework and going on late night coffee runs. There's bound to be some concerts, early morning breakfasts at Wolfgang's, long night labs, and orch board meetings. I'm excited for it all, though my thoughts aren't very coherent on the matter. But, I told myself in light of last year's significant lack of blog posts, I'd start this year out right. A little start back into the world of blogging is better than no start at all. So here's to a new school year, full of new things to learn and new things to experience. To many papers and many blog posts. To music in every shape and form. To friends, family, and loved ones. And mostly to life.

Catching Up-- Reflections on Costa Rica

           It's been quite a while since I've visited this blog, my own personal corner of the internet. It's been a little over three months. And within those three months, so much has occurred; it is time to catch up.
           Since the last time I've updated you all, I've ended one year and started another (as I assume most everyone else has...), adventured to Costa Rica, and started a new semester, among other less-notable things. The end of one year and the beginning of the next was refreshing, as always, but was filled with preparations for a once in a lifetime trip. From January 9 to 20 I left the frozen tundra that is MI for an orchestra tour around the beautiful country of Costa Rica. Originally, I had planned to split the trip into three separate blog posts to recount stories, share pictures, and just generally tell what I was learning/ experiencing. However, while I was in CR time didn't really allow for that, and once I got back, I felt as though I'd rather reflect on my adventure on the whole instead of chopping it up into little bits. So here it goes:
           Costa Rica was absolutely amazing. I'd go back in a heartbeat, if the opportunity arose and my own personal resources allowed. The country itself was gorgeous, filled with rolling hills, stunning mountains, rain-forests with more shades of green encapsulated in them than you can possibly imagine, beaches that were the epitome of tropical paradise, buzzing cities and so much more. The people we met were so warm, friendly, giving, appreciative of our gift of music, and they all graciously put up with our attempts at speaking Spanish, even though a lot of us just ended up butchering the language. The trip was a lot of work, we essentially played 11 concerts in 8 days, but we also had plenty of time to try new things, enjoy each other's company, and relax every now and then.

Photo Credit: Ruth Vanden Bos
of Ruth H. Photography.

           The first couple days we were in Costa Rica, we stayed in a dorm from a Methodist seminary. It was for the most part, a dorm; it wasn't as nice as some of the hotels we stayed in, but in it there was a big common room where we could all come and hang out after a long day of traveling and performing. To me, a little thing like that room made a big difference, because it had the power to bring us all together at night and just fellowship with each other. One night, we decided to have a back massage train in this big room. It was very much needed after several days of playing concerts, our backs were starting to get pretty sore. And it was a lot of fun.
           Even though we were rehearsing for and playing concerts a lot of the time we were down there, we also did so many tourist-y things. We went to places like: Poás Volcano, La Paz Waterfall Gardens, downtown San José, Arenal (where we went zip-lining!), a couple rain-forests, a cloud forest or two, Sky Walk suspension bridges in Monteverde, Manuel Antonio National Park, a beyond beautiful cathedral in Cartago, and so many more. 

Angela and I in our zip-lining gear!
Photo Credit: Ruth Vanden Bos.

           I went zip-lining 600 feet above the floor of the rain-forest--which we were told is the highest zip-line in all of Central America. It was exhilarating and was over much too fast, but I'm really glad to be able to say that I did it and I had fun. I'm also really glad that I got to go with such a cool and encouraging group of people, and with my best friend. My dear best friend since first grade did something really adventurous with me (well and the rest of us); I was excited to see her be so daring and enjoy it! The view from the top of the zip-lining course was stunning. You could see for miles and miles, from Arenal Volcano, to the deep blue-green waters of Lake Arenal, to the surrounding rainforest--and it was gorgeous. Later in the trip, I also got to swim in the Pacific Ocean for the first time! It was so lovely and warm (and salty...which I kept forgetting since I'm used to freshwater lakes). And I thought I got some pretty fantastic beach hair!

Top photo: mine; Middle and bottom:
Ruth Vanden Bos.

           [The collage to the left depicts my favorite beach pictures. Top: My first time touching the wonderful Pacific Ocean. Middle: Angela, me, and Bethany having some spontaneous fun on the beach. Bottom: The silhouettes of me, Angela, and Bethany against the sunset. All the beach pictures were taken at Manuel Antonio National Park, though they were at two different beaches within the park.]
           On top of zip-lining and beach-going, I got to experience a lot of other new things. Like food... I can't even begin to tell you how amazing the food was. And how much of it we were given at each meal. One of my favorite things were the "batidos" which are basically smoothies, sometimes made with ice, milk, or ice cream and of course, loads of delicious fresh fruit. The other thing food-wise that sticks in my memory were the "casados." The word casado literally means marriage, but food casados are plates with rice, black or refried beans, a salad of sorts (like lettuce with tomatoes and carrots on it, but no dressing), fried plantains, meat (I mostly had chicken or beef, sometimes seafood), and tortillas. I think the "marriage" part of it comes from the fact that you mix it all together and eat it.
           Going on this trip I knew I'd be stretched as a person and learn a lot. One of the best learning experiences was actually one of the most awkward experiences: going to a Catholic mass for the first time. I am not Catholic, I don't think anyone in the Calvin group was. The first time we went to a mass, we were given the very front bench by the priest. This made things awkward because we couldn't watch what was going on around us; we didn't know when we were supposed to stand, sit, or kneel (or even if we were supposed to kneel). Before mass, we asked our conductor what to do-- because there are certain things in mass that you're not allowed to do if you aren't Catholic (like take communion). He said to just follow his lead, but the whole group didn't catch that apparently. None of us took communion, so I'm glad we didn't offend them in that way, but when it came time to kneel about half of us did, and the other half just sat. The row I was in kind of crouched above the bench, not standing but not sitting, before deciding to kneel. Also, the service was in Spanish. My Spanish is alright, but it's hard to grasp what's going on when it takes a lot of effort to even understand the words being said.  All in all, it was awkward, but it was a good learning experience.

Un casado; the Cathedral in
Cartago; Ancient mounds/ ruins
in Guayabo.

           The next mass we went to was better, and was in a gorgeous Cathedral in Cartago. After mass we played a concert and the acoustics in there were beautiful: echo-y, but warm. As we were walking out a few of my friends were singing hymns and just enjoying the acoustics. We stopped near the entrance and sang a ton of hymns; it was really moving. Even though Protestants and Catholics don't hold the same beliefs in some areas, it was cool to still acknowledge that this Cathedral was as much the house of God as my church back home was. There's nothing better than praising God in His house. And even though I most definitely consider the music we'd just played in our performance to be an act of worship, and all for His glory, the words in the hymns are very powerful as well. Our tour guide, Ronald (who was super cool), told us we sounded like a choir and that we should sing like that on the top of a mountain.
           Unfortunately, that was one of that last days in the trip so we had no more mountains to visit. We did however visit Guayabo National Monument, ruins of an ancient civilization. There were many mounds there, where different parts of the city used to be. We weren't allowed onto the actual mounds, but we found a little hill next to them, dubbed it our "mini-mound," and gave Ronald the mountain-top concert he asked for. I thought it was a pretty neat moment.
           On our last two days, we stayed with host families who all went to the International Baptist Church in Escazu. I walked into the church nervous about staying with host families, not wanting to be split up from the rest of my compadres on the trip. But, there was an unusual sense of peace that I found in that church. It was something familiar, a Baptist church that looked similar to the church I went to back home, not like a Cathedral (there's nothing wrong with Cathedrals, they are just unfamiliar). The orchestra improv-ed on some hymns and contemporary songs, just like I do at my home church. And it was in English. It all felt very good to be in a place of unfamiliar familiarity. With my host family, my roommates and I got to go to the market where they get all their fruits/vegetables for the week. They even treated us to freshly squeezed orange juice sweetened with fresh sugar cane juice, plus breakfast. The market was a cool thing to experience culturally; it was definitely an experience I won't forget.
           Since it was an orchestra tour, we ended up playing our instruments a lot. What surprised me about all our concerts was how thankful all the people we played for were for our gift of music. On one of our last bus rides, we asked Ronald if he was getting sick of hearing the same program over and over. He responded by saying something along the lines of: I find something new and beautiful to listen to each time you play. I guess I didn't anticipate how appreciative people would be. We got to introduce string instruments to some small children at a couple of the concerts and we got to be the first orchestra ever to play in the Theatre in Jaco! Once we played a concert for only 2 people, but instead of calling it off or shortening the program, I think I tried that much more because these two people deserved to have a wonderful concert as much as the packed Jaco Theatre did. I love music, I love making music and traveling with a bunch of my friends and making music together was absolutely incredible.
           All together, it was 12 days well spent. I really didn't want to leave; we decided that we should just move Calvin and the people we love to Costa Rica, so we wouldn't ever have to leave. I suppose it is good to be back in my hometown, but I really fell in love with that country. I have many more stories and experiences that wouldn't fit in this blog post, because you'd be reading for hours. But I am way beyond thankful that I got to go! If you supported me in any way on this trip, thank you so much. I know this is something I won't be able to experience again, so I'm ecstatic that I went and had the best time. I guess there's not much left to say besides ¡Pura Vida!

Here are a couple more photos from the trip. 

(1) Me trying papaya (banana-carrot) for the first time and Katie enjoying the fresh pineapple; (2) Candid shot of us getting ready for our concert at Casa Adobe [Photo Credit: Ruth]; (3) Ruth, me, and Bethany having a spontaneous dress up night [Photo Credit: Ruth's Camera-- I'm not sure who actually snapped the picture though].

If you want to see a beautifully photographed and put-together picture montage, check out this YouTube video (also made by Ruth): 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRPSg9n0YXM

Photos (that aren't mine) were used with permission from the lovely photographer, Ruth Vanden Bos. Check out how extremely talented she is at http://ruthhphotography.weebly.com/ !