To Recap this Semester

         A friend of mine once told me a joke: "There are two kinds of people in this world, those who need closure..." as his voice trailed off I instinctively interjected "And?" But that was the whole point. There are those who need closure and this was meant to show you that you're one of them. It's very true, my life becomes extremely unnerving when I haven't received closure in different areas; ambiguity doesn't always sit well with me. I also need time to reflect on what has happened during each season of my life. So this is it, the bookend to this semester. Fall 2013 Semester is basically over.
         A mere two hours ago I walked out of a physics classroom for hopefully the last time ever. It also happened to be my last final of the semester. Aside from a couple extra credit reports that I'm trying to convince myself I should write, I am done. I have no more academic commitments for the rest of 2013, which is such a relief. This semester has been kind of rough... I averaged about 4.5 hours of sleep a night, and only had one day off (no work, no school, no orchestra) over the course of the whole semester, even over academic advising and Thanksgiving breaks I was still busy. I don't mean to make you feel sorry for me, most of it was my choice or a direct result of my choice. Meaning, I want to be at Calvin more than anywhere else in the world. I can't afford to come to Calvin without working, therefore I work about ≈25 hours a week, although it does vary. But it's tough being that busy all the time. I know "that's the life of a college student," but I'm not sure it's supposed to stress me out that much. It definitely had some detrimental effects.
         Even though I was pretty stressed, overworked and underpaid for the majority of the semester, I still managed to enjoy myself sometimes. I let the nerd flag fly: I was one of the  many who stood in line for a couple hours and one of the few that actually got into the inaugural Grand Rapids Comic Con. I got to see the Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special in theatres in 3D! I wrote in Circular Gallifreyan and made my own cipher (although I never did use it for anything).

I taught my first class ever.
I wrote my own case study of a learner who struggles in school.
I had class for 12 straight hours once.
My calling to teach was confirmed above and beyond what I thought it would be.
My calling into chemistry was confused... what I thought was a love of chemistry began to disappear, thanks to organic chemistry. I now don't know whether I was never supposed to be in chemistry in the first place or if God is calling me in a different direction that I didn't expect, or if I just need to stick this one out and it'll get better from here.
I got a 96% on a 12 page research paper that I did the research for AND wrote in the span of about 36 hours. That's not 36 cumulative hours of work, it's that I spent at most a day and a half working on this paper.
I played some of the most glorious parts of Handel's Messiah.

         But that's not all I did! I also built and upheld a lot of relationships. I reconnected with some people from high school. I got to know some coworkers from Michaels a lot better. I built up stronger friendships with people from Calvin that I knew from last year, and started new ones with some other fellow Knights. I started dating a most wonderful guy. I remained a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, and an employee (though at times I wasn't really the best of any of them, but I tried).  
         I was reunited with the Charming Cellos of Calvin College was so excited to welcome  many new charming cellists to the section. I found greater purpose and joy in making music than I have in any of my previous nine years in orchestra (not to downplay those, I made some of the best memories in those nine years due to orchestra). I went to Spanish chapel almost every week to get back into hearing and speaking Spanish. And now that my semester has finally come to a close, I am headed to enjoy my short break before I, along with 15 of my fellow musicians travel to Costa Rica for an Interim Chamber Orchestra Tour. I'm literally so excited, and even though we've got a lot to prepare it's going to be a wonderful experience. So, on the whole, I'm glad this semester happened, but I am glad that it is no more and I am looking forward to the New Year, new beginnings, new adventures and whatever life has to throw at me next semester.

Teaching Isn't All Fun and Games

There comes a time in every teacher-to-be’s life when you realize that deciding to become an educator is more than a choice to spend every day with students. It’s more than preparing lessons, coming up with fun review games, writing tests, and grading homework. At the core, choosing to teach is choosing to give of yourself in order that the children with whom you work daily can learn. It’s about preparing children to become wonderful young men and women, and preparing young men and women to be well-rounded, stable parts of the functioning adult world. Teaching isn’t about forcing information into students, but about using what they already know as a basis to broaden their horizons and have new information flow through them. And sometimes, practically, I think that is such a hard task.

How do I teach the kids the information they need to know without feeling like I’m shoving it down their throats? How do I motivate them to care about my subject matter if it’s something they don’t see the value in? How do I come alongside every student so that they can achieve their best, but also make sure that the schools standards for learning on the whole are where they should be? The scary part is, I don’t know how to answer these questions. I have ideas, but they are not comprehensive. I’m not sure any “plan” ever will be. Maybe that’s pessimistic, but I think it’s realistic. All we can do is our best and even when we do that there will still be things—maybe small things—that slip through the cracks.

In my education class this semester, we recently had a discussion about how to deal with a class full of students all at different learning levels. We gathered ideas from each other on how to make activities that can encompass students at all varying degrees of academic ability: those highly gifted and way above the rest of the class, those struggling with even the most basic concepts, and those at every point in between. I do believe that every child can learn and I really do believe that every child can achieve their personal best in school, but I understand that those will not all be at the same levels. That still won’t stop me from trying to accommodate those who have trouble learning; it won’t stop me from being a creative teacher when I can be.

I will be presented with many challenges as a teacher. Some of which I can prepare for in my time of studying at Calvin. Most of which I’ll never even think about until I end up in my own classroom. In our discussion in class and subsequent conversations with people I’m close with, I began to realize that on the outside, I’m a real pessimist. I exaggerate my problems and complain more than I should. But deep down, I am such an optimist. My heart tells me that everything will work out in the end, that life is beautiful, and that there are always positives to focus on. I think this plays well into my calling to teach. Though teaching may be challenging and sometimes draining, each student has something unique to bring to the table. Everyone has their own individual strengths and weaknesses and I want to help students realize them. Sometimes the hardest part of learning information is learning how your brain works, and what you struggle with. Moving past the failures, facing the struggles, and embracing the strengths is what true teaching is all about. You cannot just focus on all strengths or weakness, there has to be a balance, and as a teacher you have to be the one to set that balance.

Sure, teaching might not be all fun and games. But it’ll be rewarding, I know. It’s the most rewarding career I could think of because I have the opportunity to make an influence. I still have so much to learn, but I’m ready to take it all on. I am so thankful to have wonderful educator examples in my life to run to when I really don’t know what to do and I am equally as thankful for those who listen to my dream and spur me on towards my goal. I’m not looking forward to the times when I struggle and don’t succeed in the classroom, but I know I’ll learn from my mistakes to ultimately become a better teacher and a better person.