And What of Things We Cannot Describe?

           I am a lover of words. I have always enjoyed writing and my love of it grows more every day. I haven't always been so keen on reading, but I slowly am learning to love it too; you can't have one without the other. For as long as I can remember, whenever I find an idea that really interests me, I have these one-sided dialogues in my head to expound on the interesting thought. These speeches to myself eventually evolved into this blog, to describe and share ideas and events that pertain to my life-- and hopefully to others' lives as well. But every once in a while I'll run across something that I can't accurately describe. It's not just that I am incapable of forming the right order of words (although sometimes that may be the case), but instead that I will have stumbled upon a part of being human that cannot be done justice by words alone.
            A few days ago I tried to make a couple of lists; who doesn't love a good list, right? I tried to describe a person's essential being: their personality, likes and dislikes, quirks, associations, everything in a mere 20 items. Sure, you can do that, but it seems a bit cruel-- taking everything you love about yourself or another person and reducing to simple words. While I can pick a bunch of adjectives that describe me to some extent, I can't fully encompass my "me-ness" (or "human-ness" if you prefer) with words alone. It's some combination of words and thoughts and feelings, interactions and associations, environment and choices. Each person is indescribable. 
            Are you jumping on my We Can't Describe Everything boat yet? No? How about another example. Though many have tried and a few have come close, analogies, metaphors, and eloquently worded sonnets cannot quite describe the first time you hold hands with someone. Clichés like having your heart skip a beat and having butterflies in your stomach are well known for a reason. They are close to describing the feeling. But there's still something missing. It's exciting and terrifying, lovely and comforting, and pretty much every other emotion you can throw in there. But you can't wrap up every feeling and every thought of that moment with words.
            And what about music? I can feel a piece of music. I can play it. I can (and do) get emotionally invested in it. I can tell people how amazing and awe-inspiring it is. I can learn the history behind it. I can analyze it. But I can't begin to describe it. If I could transfer all the hours of rehearsal-- individual and communal, filled with frustrations and triumphs-- to you through my words, I would. If I could bring you on the emotional journey of the piece by talking you through it, I would. But the reality is, I can't. You have to listen to it for yourself, and that's the beauty of it. I can't describe it.
             So what do we do with these things that humans cannot describe with words? We innovate. We create new words and phrases that get us one step closer to fully describing said things. More art (that also cannot be described) is made, but it helps us to understand life a bit better as our minds make connections. Most of all, we try. Whether success or failure awaits us, we try to share our experience in this life with others through words. That's the mystery and the balance of it all. We use words to describe, but also to describe that we cannot describe.

You Are a Walking Contradiction

           Seriously, I don't mean to insult you, but everyone I've ever met is in one way or another a walking contradiction. And this is not a bad thing. Similar to almost everything else in life, everyone falls somewhere on a broad spectrum: I know people who are basically the physical embodiment of irony and others whose personalities seem to be 99% consistent. It's such an interesting part of being human-- to have two integral parts of your personality and preferences be totally contradictory and even oxymoronic. 
           Maybe an example or two will help explain what I mean. Some people thoroughly enjoy the outdoors, nature and hiking and all, but are very mechanically or technologically inclined. Others long for a sense of community and a place to belong, but don't really like being around people that much. I think everyone at some point wants to stand out enough to be noticed and different, but fit in enough not to be considered the weird kid. But as I get older and have met more people I've begun to realize that not caring what other people think about you is one of the world's best stress relievers. Anyways, my point is that everyone has these strange little quirks that contradict each other, but work.
           Personally, I see these in myself all the time and can't help but wonder how my mind doesn't beat itself to death because of the way it disagrees. I will sit still through a two-and-a-half hour opera, anxiously anticipating each new part of the story and each beautiful musical aria, but I get fidgety as all get out and can't wait for the end of an 90 minute movie (it depends on the movie, but for the most part this is true). I am a city girl at heart, yet I know the words to every Top 20 country song from 1999 to the present. I chose to commute to college, but I hate driving. I am one of the most literal people on the planet, but my use of the word "like" rivals that of a Valley Girl (okay, maybe it's not that bad, but I catch myself using it more than I should). 
           That turned out a bit more autobiographical than I had originally planned, but I suppose you got a glimpse of the specific examples that puzzle my brain. Additionally, although it may be a stretch, when you dig a bit deeper, I think some of these blatant contradictions actually work well together and are even sprung from the same desire. The desire to be respected drives people to try their hardest, but not look like they're trying too hard. The desire to have control of one's life can actually cause out of control reactions; for example, life happens and someone loses a relative or a job. They feel like they have no control, so they turn to over-exercising, or reckless behavior, or calorie-counting because it is something they can control. Same desire, contradictory behaviors. I could probably come up with more examples, or try to verbalize some other related thought, but I think I shall leave you with this: You are a walking contradiction. Embrace it. Embrace everything that makes you, you. Even if we can't figure out how it works, embrace the contradictions.

Back to the Beginning

           I was recently reminded of the spark that started this blog. Recently some close friends and I went to see Monsters University; the Pixar short beforehand brought me back to last November. I took my brother to see Wreck-It Ralph for his birthday, and the short before that movie was fantastic. I guess I wasn't the only one who liked it that much; it was so well done that it won an Academy Award.
           The short film was called "Paperman" and yes, if you haven't seen it, you should watch it before you continue reading. The film begins with a handsome young man and a beautiful young woman who "meet" (in passing) on a train station platform. He is clearly enamored by this beauty, but misses her as the train departs before he could say anything. The only remnant of this meeting is a lipstick-stained paper from the woman's file folder that she left without... Jump forward a bit, and at work the man spots the woman in a building across the street. He tries desperately to get her attention, waving and turning all the forms on his desk into paper airplanes to get her to notice him. The paper runs low until he only has the lipstick-stained paper left. That too is turned into a plane, but to no avail. 
           As he leaves his office building and tries to find the lovely woman, he finds only the lipstick marked airplane, and thrusts it into the air. It lands in an alley where the rest of his planes had landed. They all begin to move-- carrying the man along the streets toward the train station while the one with the lipstick goes after the woman. She sees it, and recognizes it, then begins to follow where it flies. In the end, the two of them are brought together at the station platform and are then seen chatting at a coffee shop, along with the airplane bearing the lipstick mark between them.
           This short had a profound impact on me. Aesthetically, I liked the cool CGI but 2D animation and the fact that it was in black and white (except for the lipstick stain, which I'm pretty sure was red). But the typical, predictable, but touching movie love story was really what got me. From the audience's perspective, these two are clearly meant for each other. He begins to realize it, and she might see something there too, but day-to-day life and their circumstances keep them apart. But, he kept pursuing her, like a gentleman. She carried on with life, but when she saw that lipstick-stained airplane, she went after it too. I guess what I most took from it was that what is meant to happen, will happen. You just have to give it time, but never give up hope. When things are looking down and you're frustrated, that's alright. It's a part of life to be frustrated and disappointed; just don't stay there. Never forget how wonderful the lessons God has for you to learn are, how much He and others around you love you, and how all things work out in the end. Only time will tell.
           And thus, through my recent movie-watching experience, I was brought back to the beginning. Back to the moment where I knew I needed to start a blog, to record all sorts of wonderful thoughts like the ones I had on this short film. It might not have been much, but it was the spark. And I am thankful for it. Who knows what I'd be doing with all the random thoughts I have otherwise.

[If you haven't seen the "Paperman" short, you can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lL-7Xo5QPeY . It looks best if you turn the 3D off in the bottom right corner. All rights belong to Disney/Pixar and all their writers, directors, animators, etc. who worked to produce such a beautiful short film.]

The Valley of Writer's Block

           There I sat for the 8th consecutive day, computer on lap, putting all of the cognitive power I could muster into a blog post. Sitting there, staring at a blank page, wishing all the thoughts bouncing around in my head would bleed through my fingers, onto the keyboard and into the ever-expanding realm which is the internet. As my eyes became bleary and my slightly frizzy hair held up by a hair-tie and pencil began to descend, framing my face, my words still could not escape my mind. The page was supposed to be filled with brilliant insights, deep thoughts, and well-formed opinions. Instead it felt as blank as the stare I had upon receiving a calculus test on infinite series and sequences. 
           It was then I realized I had fallen into the Valley of Writer's Block. A place that exists only in my imagination, but can be stumbled into quite easily. Who knows why it happens, or why it happens when it does, but I recently have been found at the bottom, searching for coherent thoughts and  eloquently linked words, but finding none. "The Pit of Writer's Block" may be a more appropriate name for this place of mental frustration. Either way, there's only one way out.
           To escape this valley, this state of mind, all one must do is write. Begin the slow crawl upwards, out of the valley by composing some piece of writing. It's fairly likely that this first attempt will be terrible. In all honesty, it'll probably be absolute rubbish. But it's a first step. You've now got a solid foothold and can begin to haul yourself out of the valley and onto bigger, better, and more thought-provoking compositions. The thoughts that make you think "I should write that down! That was golden!" will return-- slowly but surely. And the drafts you composed on the way out can always be revised and made shine like a diamond in the rough. 
           Here's hoping that I've safely broken free and will not be returning to said valley anytime soon. Here's hoping that when I do return, say when there's another 10-page paper to be written, that it'll be easier to get out due to experience. Here's hoping that those who may be stuck in the Valley of Writer's Block currently find the will power to keep writing and get out.

Fiction Touches Reality

       Growing up in an era where all forms of media and pop culture were so accessible made it easy to find movies and television programs that had wonderful plots and relatable  characters. Part of what I think makes fiction so incredible is how the product of someone's imagination can connect to the audience. And we, as the audience, begin to get attached to fictional characters. This happens to me, to some extent, in nearly every piece of fiction I encounter. Even more than just relating with the characters, sometimes I think I begin to "look up" to these characters, as if they were real people who could teach and mentor me. However, I've realized that just because they aren't real doesn't mean I can't learn from them. Looking over the items of pop culture that have grown close to my heart over the years, I found four characters who have influenced me most and will probably stick with me longest.

Wendy Darling (Peter Pan, 1953)
       

       When I was little I loved Wendy simply because she was the girl who accompanied Peter Pan in some of his adventures in Neverland. In fact, I was very envious of her for that reason. She was the girl who believed in fairies, in Peter Pan, and in Neverland. She was the girl who with a little "faith, trust, and pixie dust" soared past Big Ben to the second star to the right, meets all the Lost Boy's in Hangman's Tree, and is rescued from the grasp of Captain Hook. Now that I'm older, I appreciate Wendy because she is given the chance to stay a child forever (which may often sound appealing), but accepts the call of adulthood. She embraces its virtues head-on, but keeps a little piece of that child-like wonder and magical belief in her heart.

Laura Holt (Remington Steele, 1982-1987)
       The idea of this character is truly brilliant: a woman private investigator who no one would give a second thought to because she was a woman. So she invented a man to be the name of her company, while she did all the investigative work. Brilliant. Until a mysterious man rolls around and assumes the role of Remington Steele and she is forced into a P.I. partnership (but that's a blog for a different day). Laura Holt is first and foremost, clever. She is a strong, independent woman, but doesn't step over the line into full-on feminism. I love how quick-witted and intelligent she is, but also how caring she is. Plus she has gorgeous hair and a cool hat. She is the kind of person I think I want to embody the most of the four: brilliant, resourceful, determined, loving, faithful, passionate and kind-hearted.

Dr. Temperance Brennan (Bones, 2005-Present)

       Brennan (aka "Bones") is one of the most unique characters I've ever seen. She is a genius-- like IQ through the roof with 3 Ph.D.'s. She had traumatic teen years and is also quite socially awkward, but at times it's humorous. It is ironic that a woman who knows so much about science, and can figure out so much given someone's bones cannot grasp sarcasm or a widely known pop culture reference. What I do admire is her tenacity for truth and her ability to reason well. Also, I especially like that I, as the viewer, can see her character grow so much over the course of nine seasons. She starts out being this very rigid and bitter, hard-science-only, emotionless investigator. As the seasons roll by, she begins to empathize with the victims and their families, learns how to compromise and conjecture, and ultimately is in the process of really learning how to love her partner (both work and romantic partner), Booth, and her daughter.

River Song (Doctor Who [New Series], 2005-Present)

       River Song. I've only recently been introduced to this character (unlike the others who I've "gotten to know" quite in depth for the past 5-15 years). I was immediately intrigued by the character, and not only because her story is so crazy and slightly confusing. River is just a cool person. She's mysterious and beautiful, sassy and charming. Others have described her as "like a female Indiana Jones" and I mostly agree. She can stand up for herself (and I think she enjoys the feeling of a gun in her hand a bit too much), but she trusts the Doctor with every fiber of her being, even though she knows that trust could one day kill her. Aside from her personality, I think she dresses really unique and elegantly and I love her curly hair! All in all, River is a great balance of classy and on the edge of scandalous, and of fierce and tender. 

Grand Rapids, the Beautiful

           I am and always will be a Grand Rapidian at heart; I was born and raised here and I wouldn't have had it any other way. Grand Rapids, Michigan is a lovely city (and I'm not just saying that because I live here). I don't know if I want to live here forever, but I would not be opposed to living in GR my whole life. For those of you who are from Grand Rapids: here's my take on the best parts of the city. For those of you not from GRap, here's some reasons that I absolutely love my city.

• ArtPrize: A city wide art-festival that showcases art in all its forms from artists in all walks of life. It literally takes over the city from the middle of September to the first week in October. One of my favorite times of the year (the weather is more or less perfect in the fall) and a lot of the art is really cool. Some of it is interactive, which is really fun to play with; some are the most detailed and gorgeous paintings or sculptures you've ever seen; and of course some of it is just weird, but variety is the spice of life, right?
• It's (more or less) affordable! As a Dutch-by-culture college kid with a less than exciting assortment of employment, I love the fact that you can get by in Grand Rapids on not a ton of money. Granted, you could spend a fortune if you wanted to, but places like the GR Symphony and Opera, the GRAM (Art Museum), even Celebration Cinema offer moderate to awesome student discounts. A lot of restaurants have half priced appetizers during "Happy Hour." Some things, like Ice Skating in the winter and Swing Dancing in the summer at Rosa Parks Circle are free! If you know how to get around and where to get good deals, you can have a great night on just a few bucks.
• Local gems: Every city has it's locally owned businesses-- restaurants, coffee shops, stores, attractions that you as a customer just fall in love with because of their uniqueness. They make you proud to be from such a wonderful community that can produce places like these. Some of my favorite places in Grand Rapids: The Bitter End  Coffee House, NW side of town on Fulton-- it's a teeny little shop, but the coffee is amazing and the atmosphere is one of the best in town-- plus it's open 24/7. The Electric Cheetah, a buzzing restaurant in East GR on Wealthy Street that serves delicious sandwiches (mainly, but they have lots of other things) with an urban feel AND 28 flavors of root beer. Robinette's Apple Haus is an orchard on 4 Mile that has some of the best cider and donuts I've ever had, which are especially good on a cool fall day. That and the giant pumpkins, corn maze, huge plastic-y apple sculpture, and old house turned gift shop full of trinkets make this one of my favorite autumn places. John Ball Zoo is exactly what you think it is: a zoo-- it's pretty large and has some fun stuff like a zip line and monorail (well the monorail is coming soon). Olga's Kitchen, although I've only ever eaten appetizers and soup at Olga's, their "snackers" are one of the best things I've ever eaten. They definitely make the trip to Gaslight Village worth it (while you're there be sure to check out Jersey Junction for ice cream!).
• I've only listed a few of my favorite places to visit in Grand Rapids; there are many many more, and there also a bunch of places and festivities that I've never been to, but want to go. Like Sanchez Tapas Bistro, the Grand Rapids Art Festival, Marie Catrib's, Madcap Coffee, etc. [Update: As of 7pm, 8 June 2013, I have been downtown for Art Festival and it's super cool!]

So go check these places out! I don't think you'll be disappointed! Also, have I missed anything that makes Grand Rapids so fabulous? Let me know!

Just for copyright purposes: I do not own the photo at the top, I just found it on Google images. All credit goes to Cory Smith, the photographer. Here is the link just in case: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nightfoxphoto/4796938755/ .

Possibilities

        The "Multiverse" theory of time travel/ the universe in general posits the idea that there are an infinite number of parallel universes. Every single decision you make alters the future of the current timeline; everything from eating Froot Loops for breakfast instead of Rice Krispies to deciding to move to Finland to pursue a career instead of staying in your hometown. If time travel were possible and this multiverse theory proved to be true, you could go back in time and literally do anything. This would cause time to continue on in a new timeline totally different from the one the traveler came from, although that one would still exist in a parallel universe. Although it would technically exist, the traveler would never be able to return to his or her original time line. But, with an infinite number of parallel universes to try, there's got to be one close enough (maybe one where you just end up a half inch shorter or something).

        So now go with me, for a moment believe that this is true. There are an infinite number of you's and me's in an infinite number of parallel universes running on an infinite number of timelines. What are some of the other me's like? So long as my family tree survived long enough for me to exist and all my ancestors met at the correct time and place to get my DNA 100% correct, I'm out there in all different kinds of situations. And I find that fascinating- wondering what all the other potential me's are like.

        In one, all of my grandparents decided to move to Morocco and my parents met and got married there and I'm some sort of Moroccan-European modern poet. And in another, I'm studying inner city development in Pennsylvania while living in a quaint, but roomy house with my best friends and earning my black-belt in jiu-jitsu. In a third I could be exactly where I am today, but with different people making a big impact on my  life (for good or for bad I don't know).

        If given the choice would I choose one of these alternate timelines to live in? One where I could pick and choose everything to be just the way I wanted? The selfish part of me says "Of course." If I could have the "perfect life" with the job, school, car, house, and relationships that benefit me most, why wouldn't I want it? The part of me that looks at the grand scheme of things cannot take what I, one human, want and change everything that God has put in place in the whole of the universe to make myself happy. What if having the house and car I selfishly want causes some to go without food and clean water? I couldn't do that with a clear conscience. I believe we are living in this universe, in this timeline for a purpose. Although it may not be clear in my life, or in your life, yet: He has a grander plan. So be content in this universe that God has so carefully put together and given to each and every one of us.